Nobody likes a church pew. Unless God has granted you the gift of a well cushioned rear end, sitting on a wooden bench for a Sunday service is like unscrewing the seat off of your bicycle and taking it for a ride around the block, uncomfortable. However, in the South thousands of sweet tea drinking, hallelujah shouting, cornbread loving Christians file into these pews one by one to hear the good word. Being a Southern woman myself I recently joined these ranks once again introducing my rear to the dreaded pew. Now, being a carb lover from way back I love any event that features a line to receive bread dipped in wine however lately I seem more interested in my own spirituality rather than my religion.
One might blame this turn inward with my newfound love of yoga. Slap a mat on the floor, filter in a little Eastern meditation music and dim the lights and I’m like a dieter before a flashing “Hot Donuts Now” sign at Krispy Kreme, I see the light. The whole yoga process is just so organic, theres no filter, no mood breaker like the collection plate at church or some crazy woman in the congregation belting out hymns like Aretha Franklin with strep throat. The time spent on that mat is priceless. Granted I have the flexibility of an 80 year old woman with rickets but the beautiful thing is that it doesn’t matter. I can go at whatever pace of process I like and achieve whatever my body lets me that day, somedays my “tree pose” is strong and proud and sometimes my body calls timber.
The resolution for learning more about myself in 2009 through spirituality doesn’t end when I roll up my mat though, it continues on and can be found at home. Be it a newfound collection of books or a refrigerator full of organic and vegetarian fare it is clear the owner of this home is on a mission. Perhaps its the tofu going to my head but eating healthier and eliminating meat from my diet seemed just as natural to me as yoga. I would feel slightly ridiculous coming home from the yoga studio and picking up a Whataburger value meal on the ride home; it would be like a nun wearing a red Fredrick's of Hollywood water bra under her habit, on the outside I would appear soulful and dedicated to my practice but peel back that layer and you would find an entirely different type of person.
I don’t think my vegetarianism, newfound yoga addiction, and recent church and Sunday school attendance is going to change who I am, thats not the point of any of it. The new years resolution to learn more about myself is about sifting through my life and thoughts and coming up with not only a better version of myself but identifying, for my own sake, who that self really is. Am I ever going to eat meat again? Its entirely possible, particularly when you take into account that I was a vegetarian during graduate school until a fateful drive thru window purchase and a guilty peeling away of a P.E.T.A sticker off of my back car window. Am I going to keep going to yoga? Stranger things have happened. However even if I don’t attend as regularly as I do now or if my yoga mat comes across a little dust along the way it will definitely stay in my life in some form, even if its just meditation. How long am I going to keep my Sunday dates with the pew and early morning Sunday school? That is entirely up to me, which is a nice change. As a child Sunday morning consisted of white tights being rolled up my chubby little legs like a sausage casing and then kicking me out into the blistering Florida heat only to sit in that pew-o-pain in a dress with more ruffles than Scarlett O’Harrah’s petticoat. Times have changed. I now don’t wear tights or hose to church, a fact that would make my great grandmother roll over in her grave. I don’t only go to Sunday school for snack nor do I look at communion as a chance to stretch my legs and get a better view of how many other children were forced to wear headbands with bows attached to them, despite knowing full and well that I was the only one. I go to services because I want to. I woke up, got dressed (minus frills) and drove there myself. The fact that I still sit in the same church I was dragged into as a youth is just an added amusement that brings a smile to my face each week.
Its going to be an interesting year, with every downward facing dog I feel a little more hopeful and happy about the way things are going in my life. Will I start wearing clothes made of hemp and bragging about my latest colon cleansing, weaving purses out of recycled newspapers or having images of Buddha appear to me on the freezer section of Publix? Doubtful. I’m still the same sarcastic girl with a desire for deep fried foods and an unbridled love of luxury items, I just concern myself more with my health and karma now. Although, odds are if you sneak a peak inside that reusable canvas grocery bag of mine you will still find a box of Quaker instant grits.
* Taken from my previous blog site (from January 09'), my apologies to any of my previous readers who have seen this before. The title alone always makes me smile so I felt compelled to place it on the new site. Plus, it gives you a little more insight into who I am as a person (aside from an embittered spinster)*
